I think I'll just go crawl in a hole somewhere

Thanks to Mel for this enlightening look - gee, I scare even myself now...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 40% Stability 30% Orderliness 56% Accommodation 70% Interdependence 50% Intellectual 30% Mystical 10% Artistic 43% Religious 43% Hedonism 10% Materialism 63% Narcissism 23% Adventurousness 23% Work ethic 50% Self absorbed 23% Conflict seeking 43% Need to dominate 70% Romantic 56% Avoidant 56% Anti-authority 83% Wealth 16% Dependency 43% Change averse 63% Cautiousness 76% Individuality 30% Sexuality 30% Peter pan complex 63% Physical security 76% Physical Fitness 30% Histrionic 30% Paranoia 63% Vanity 43% Hypersensitivity 56% Female cliche 63%

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Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

Trait snapshot:

introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual

Lycra, schmycra

You know the deal with jeans right out of the dryer? How they're a little snug at first, but then they break in after wearing them for a while? (If your jeans fit right out of the dryer, just stop reading right now.) I was a little worried when I first put them on. Think sausage casings. But surely, they'd stretch.

Four hours later, they haven't budged much at all. And they have LY*CRA in them, for pete's sake! This is not good, people. I can only imagine the line of demarcation that will be around my waist when they come off tonight. Gah.

I know I haven't been as active lately as I'd been in the past. But I had no idea until I stepped on my friend's scale before picking our kids up from the bus stop. I'm 1.5 teensy little pounds away from 140 lbs. I haven't seen that number since I was pregnant 10 years ago. Okay. I'll keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat.

I'm not going down without a fight. It's on... it's SO on.

Would it work with dogs??

Stuff On My Cat dot com

If you can read this...

and want to be blogrolled, leave me your http in comments, please! I changed templates and lost my roll, so I'd like to rebuild it. Thanks! :-)

Steven Wright - Comedic genius

I love him because with his soft-spoken style and deadpan delivery, he forces the listener to pay attention and "get it". We were all walking out of the theater wondering how in the world he manages to keep everything straight during the course of a 2-hour (yes, TWO HOUR) performance. Some things are better left unknown and just enjoyed. Here are some of the good ones (at least the ones I could remember)...


"I was wondering how my life would have been different if I'd been born one day earlier, and I thought maybe it wouldn't be different at all, except that I'd have asked that question yesterday."

"My friend has a trophy wife... apparently it wasn't first place."

My girlfriend asked me "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"
"Nope."
"Forget it, then."

"I'm a peripheral visionary. I can see into the future - just way off to the side."

"Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."

"I wish the first word I ever said was 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'un-quote'."

"In Europe is Miles Davis known as Kilometer Davis?"

"I am getting an MRI to find out if I have claustrophobia."

" I was driving down the road and I saw this hitchhiker holding a sign that said "Heaven"...so I hit him. I pretty sure he went there, he looked nice."

"The last time I tried to commit suicide was about an hour ago. I jumped off the roof of this very tall building and accidentally did a double back-flip and landed on my feet. No one witnessed this except two kittens who were nearby. One of the kittens turned to the other and said "see, that's how you do that".

"When I was five years old my grandfather died. I was standing beside coffin at the funeral home thinking about my flashlight. Then I started thinking about the batteries. Then I thought, "Maybe he's not dead . . . Maybe he's just in wrong."

What color is love? Maybe brown...

Warning: put down all food and/or drink before continuing. Not for the squeamish.

Let's start with DH's need to de-clutter our house....

He's been on a kick ever since reading this book a few weeks ago. Actually, he was doing research for a news story, and found out that she lives a block away from where we lived 10 years ago. Weird. But I digress...

So Monday night, I took my necklace off and left it on the table next to the chair in our living room. A beautiful Sunrise topaz pendant set in sterling that I had purchased only 2 weeks ago at a local art festival. I rarely treat myself to things like this - not really being a jewelry fanatic - but this little piece called out to me.

Fast forward to this morning. I go to the table to get it and it's not there. Walk to the bedroom and check my dresser where I see the sterling chain, but no pendant. Calling to DH, he tells me that it's on the dresser. Uh, no, it's not. Start searching frantically and can... not... find... it. DH did not realize, I suppose, that the pendant could slip off of the chain. I was pissed and upset. It didn't help that Aunt Flo was making her appearance at the same time. Yes, I KNOW it was an accident, but that doesn't make me any less upset. What if I'd moved something of his and it'd had been lost or damaged? Can I just leave something somewhere without having to worry about it being moved all the time??!

I combed every inch of carpet around the 20 steps between the bedroom and the table. Looked under the chair, couch and all cushions. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Conclusion: Sheba, aka "Hoover of a dog", sucked it up. This dog leaves nothing unturned. Acorns are her primary source of nourishment on her walks. I don't know where she puts it all. And with as much fruit as she eats, she should be considered vegetarian.

It's now time to take son #1 to the orthodontist for spacer replacement. It's a very quiet ride. Gee, I wonder why I don't feel like talking? Thirty minutes later, we pull into our garage and get out of the car. Damn!! What's that smell?? Did I run over something. I can't even begin to describe the stench. We head inside and find DH. At the same time, son #1 and I ask about the stench in the garage. Here's where it gets good, ya'll.

DH proceeds to tell us that he ... get ready... searched Hoover Dog's poop in the yard. Yes. Her feces, excrement, whatever you want to call it. Went through each pile he could find, gallantly trying to keep the gag reflex from getting the best of him. He was sure that, if she had eaten the missing pendant, it would have been "out" by now.

How could I stay mad at him? The man went through sh*t for me. I think it must be love.

A post script -

Later this evening, I decided to look once again. Scouring the carpet near the blinds, I find my treasure hidden in the track of the sliding doors. No where near the area where the pendant had been. The find was a big relief to DH, who'd volunteered to keep "searching" until it turned up. Gotta' love him. :-)

Uhhhhhh

When did my brain become the repository for everyone's "to-do" lists in this family? Is it in the fine print of the motherhood contract somewhere? I wish there was a place to empty the brain out on a daily basis of all the static that builds up. Start fresh each day. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I'm baaaaccckkkk

I hope the spam-a-lots stay away this time. Sheesh!! Had to delete the last entry just to get rid of the crap. Well, I added that new "verification" comments thingy. Let's see how long it keeps them at bay. If it doesn't work, can anyone help me put together something simple outside blogger??

Honestly, I can say there's not been much to write about in the last 4 months. We're all getting older, E's voice is getting deeper (sometimes it REALLY freaks me out), my hair is getting longer, the dog is getting fatter (okay - me, too), I'm working more, DH's job is getting worse. Fun times.

I have started playing tennis again. God, nothing shows you how old your joints really are like an hour spent running after a little yellow ball on a hard surface. Do they still make Ben*Gay? And why was it called Ben*Gay anyway? Who was the marketing genius behind THAT one?? No, really, this doesn't keep me awake at night.

I hope to get back to reading all the good blogs out there. Thanks for staying with me. :-)